If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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