I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
