so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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