either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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