I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
