the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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