i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
