I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
