I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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