Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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