Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize