so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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