dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
