It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
