how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
