So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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