Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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