East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Let's get the cat blown out
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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