Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize