So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
