There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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