You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
