this beer tastes like vomit already
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
