The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
