I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize