what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
