My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
