It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
