He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
