I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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