I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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