i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
