I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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