Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I believe in your delicious
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
