We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
