It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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