Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
