hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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