I want to walk on stilts...naked
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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