So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
