How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
