How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
