whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
