Me too!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
