That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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