why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
