i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
