You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
