Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
