Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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