I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
