I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to stop coming to work sober
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize