She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
