Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
