sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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