'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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