and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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