I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got inside last night via doggy door
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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