I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
