Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
did you just send me my own nude
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
