You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
