this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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