Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize