So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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