I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dicks are not precious.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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