i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
