If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
